A nerd's confession

(A mini-short love story)

I talked about coffee and Global Warmng and contribution of coffee to Global warming.
She talked about life and people, and I wondered if I should recite my poems.

They don't exaggerate in movies; confessing is difficult, even when
lines are memorized.

"I know what you want to say, lover boy."
I looked at her and felt naked.

She smiled. Though no champion in non-verbal communication, I felt
play, and, love, and discernment in her smile. Saying anything seemed needless.

It was perfect.

So I ruined it, "Listen, my social and emotional quotients aren’t that
high...and…you are too good for me, you know."

She took my hand in hers and kissed it adoringly. "You are too good to me, you know."

I wondered if I should recite my poems.

The Secret

Bathing Is Magical.
When I would be on my deathbed, drawing my last breaths...these would be final words for posterity, for men reveal the most obscured secrets when the curtains of their lives are falling. And I, a man of knowledge and wisdom, will sure have a lot to reval but nothing would be as significant and as mysterious as this- Bathing Is Magical.
This secret, like all secrets of nature, becomes obvious once man opens the eyes of his mind to it. Until then, he remains blinded; he looks but doesn't see it. Hundreds of millions of men- rich and poor, young and old, religiously bathe daily, some more than once yet they fail to see the magic- so obscured it is.
Why, even I, a seeker of truths who has seen twenty three summers in his life and (it won't be preposterous to say that)has had quite a few baths in this time, was mysteriously unaware of this fact until recently.
This one morning, a few mornings ago, while lying on bed I felt a sudden inspiration to go to the bathroom. It may be mentioned here that I had been supine for three whole days and radical notions like those of motion do not arise in me easily.
Curiosity got hold of me and I got up and entered the place.
Memories came to me. The towel was hanging on the door knob just as I had left it a fortnight ago, the soap bathing in the overflooded soapbox, the bucket and the mug- the lovely pair was woven together by gossamer but strong threads of spider web...and there was the shower. With no forethought, I turned it on.
Water came.
Hymns and paeans have been written on Adam's ale by men in all ages. Common knowledge it is that it quenches thirst not of body alone but of mind and of soul too. Yet, let this be known today that elixir it is called not because it sustains life but because life sprouts and rejoices in it. The first helical forms came together and danced not because their thirsts were satiated(how ridiculous!) but because they were rejoicing in the magic of bathing.
Water came, pouring down from the pores of shower like a rain from heavens. It touched that which is immortal in me. All I could do(and all there is to do) was observe and experience the magic happening. I saw my mouth opening wide and gulping down air as the first drops of cold water fell on my body. I saw my heart beat again in delight and I saw my head turn up towards the sky, that lay hidden behind the roof of the floor above. I even saw the dead cells washing away and taking away with them the dirt and the stink and the sensations of itching.
I felt feather-weighted. The skin was soft, smooth and almost fair. I was glowing, and it occured to me that I might be made of light.
I felt fresh, light, decontaminated and...energetic. Life was suddenly worth living. There were things to do- mountains to climb and oceans to sail across and women to make love to.
I stepped out of my room and climbed stairs three at a time to reach the terrace. From there I was able to see man clearly in the morning sun- a filthy, ignorant, lowly creature with no purpose in life. I abused him and sermonized, "Listen you O scums of the earth, shed your torpor. Go take a bath and discover that life is meant to do great things and discover that all that you need to accomplish, life provides. Go and shut youself in bathroom and pour buckets of water over yourself until the truth be known to you."
I shouted at the top of my voice, for what is required to wake up man from his deepest slumber, but a good bath and a pep-talk.
It had no effect, however. They carried on like they always had been(such is man), but why would I care?
I had many mountains to climb, and the five oceans to sail across and women to make passionate love to.

Oh! Its about to come.

Last night, I stripped myself naked and lied on bed.

Its funny time, september- too early to be comfortable with your A.C.s off and yet too soon to do without them, that is when you have your clothes on.

I had my fan on at the lowest speed; the soft brush of wind against my body was balming my mind which was desperate in its hunt for ideas. I lied on the bed for about two hours, sometimes scribbling a few notes on a pad, sometimes combing my hair and quite often scratching my groin area(all with the same pen) but the ever elusive ideas...they never came.

And I am wondering why? Why didn't anything come?

When do ideas come? How do they come? Where do they come from?

And (perhaps)most importantly- what is that one has to do so that they could come?

I don't know. May be there are no definite answers. May be there are no answers. Or may be experience will help me find some patterns in their apparent randomness. Can't say much right now.

All I can say is that there is this feeling sometimes and I go with it- take a wrong turn while going home, for instance, and sit in a strange place or spend entire evening watching kids play in a local garden or skip my dinner and lie on terrace floor gazing stars,... and ideas come.

Without an ounce of effort.

Doing it

Doing it!

Going from Manali to Leh, cycling through the highest motorable road in India!

The beauty and the beast. And me.

I am not so much nervous around women, specially not when I lack intentions.
But after a year long stay at a place where you don't get to see any woman between 14 to 40, even the prospects of talking to a girl were shaking me like a leaf.
There was this meeting with a girl regarding some project we were going to work on. So I bathed twice that day. Dressed neatly. Rehearsed my selected impromptu jokes. And combed untill I felt good to go.
She was waiting for me. We exchanged a few smiles and pleasantries, and selected a comfortable looking sofa to sit on. My nerves were just begining to settle when a voice was heard.
A man was asking her, "Ye aapke chote bhai hai kya?".
F***er! Where the hell did you drop from!
"No", she replied tersely and ignored him.
Now he turns to me and says with a bit of surprise on his face, "Aap inke chote bhai nahi hai!"
I might have felt like punching him right on his nose but there were these subconcious alerts buzzing loudly inside my skull- She is watching you. Judging you. First impression...last impression.
"No. I work here.", I said very, very respectfully.
Ab chup rehna bhai, whoever you are. Don't ruin this anymore.
"Yahan! Is company mein! Aap Executive hain!"
"Yeah, I know...chehre se lagta nahi hai." I said with a smile and quickly involved her into a conversation so that he may not trouble us again. And he didn't...for the next few minutes.
It is okay. I can handle this from here. So what if my childish appearance has been highlighted, I still have my impromptu jokes with me.
"Aapki Age kitni hogi?" Devils had sent him.
"Taiees. Twenty Three.", I said curtly and stared long and hard at the black of his eyes, making sure that the message was sent clear- One more word dude and I am going to eat you up. Raw.
Thankfully he left the room and allowed us to talk peacefully thereafter.
I returned to my room after about a half an hour and decided to wipe off the man from my mental tapes a.s.a.p. You might have ruined it in actuality but you can not spoil it in my memory. I tried hard to remove his parts but couldn't. In fact, I discovered to my horror that all I could remember of the evening was Him! Such was the impact.

It wasn't all that important...the meeting, the impression and all; I wasn't trying to woo that girl afterall.
Still, it mattered.

And that is why I ask her, through this post, Was it really as bad as I think it was???