Want to be happy? Don't create Time

Jotting down my thoughts, and sharing them through a new post, after a long, long while. Apologies upfront if I seem rusty :-)

Today morning, while cycling under an unusually overcast sky, I was listening to a podcast interview of an Australian athlete. Kim White, a yesteryear marathon runner and now an active energy healer, talked about his passion for running and his focus on continuous improvement. Running, he said, was like partying of the good kind: invite someone over, run together, and have a blast. He had been doing this since the age of seven and, whether systematic or unsystematic, coached or uncoached, the activity had always been fun for him.

However, at some point in his career he became transfixed with the goal of representing his country in the Olympics. The obsession on this goal took his focus away from the tiny little tweaks for continuous improvement that he normally cared for, made him strive hard for the goal, and eventually led him to an injury just days before the trials. Not just any injury - a career ending injury. 

 

While there is a larger story that the interview was covering, the point in this anecdote hit home for me. Whenever I have created unhappiness for myself w.r.t. work or career or ambitions, it's because of these god damn goals. Chasing them isn't always fun and if and when you achieve them you wonder: is this what I was looking for? 

Goals create time. They promise fulfilment in an imagined future. They emphasis, and exaggerate, the lack in your present situation. You are not there yet. You are incomplete. You need to get there, somewhere, to be happy/successful/wealthy/to realize your full potential/to feel love.

As a kid, I had an intuitive dislike for goals and was quite a happy (and might I say "successful") kid. I participated in every competition that seemed like fun - debates, writing, Olympiads, sports -, studied enthusiastically to impress my teachers and managed to do quite well on most fronts (well, couldn't increase my height or grow a moustache no matter what). There was little becoming, even as there was continuous improving.

Something changed when at the transformative age of eighteen I entered university. I hated my engineering college; steadfastly believed I deserved better. I didn’t identify with my surroundings: my teachers, my batchmates, my education. Identifying would be admitting this-is-what-it-is, and here's-where-I-am. Thus, I started creating time: I will be fulfilled when I get into a more prestigious institute or become well-known for my talents and knowledge. Some institute, some recognition, a getting-into-a-club would fulfil me. 

The story in the head matters not much - the gist is the same. Only when you are giving attention to the present moment: to the day, to the hour, to the minute - will you be able to find your freedom even in an unpleasant situation. Otherwise, you will be at unease.  

 Present moment awareness is not just about ease. It is also about peace – an unreasoned, always available, Friend’s-like-I-will-be-there-for-you peace. You make seemingly small but powerful choices during such mind states. You might even feel thankful for what your current situation is. This is where there the true happiness lies and where true change sprouts from.

Intellectually, one might understand how one is far more privileged than other human beings on this planet, but it might not transform into an attitude of gratitude. Intellectually, one might read a Marcus Aurelius or a Buddha or a book on Quantum Physics or an Instagram quote and conclude that happiness derived from external conditions is fleeting, since all conditions are fleeting, but that does not stop one's mind from working in its habitual patterns. If things were so, reading a book would make you enlightened the very next week. What's required here is a deeper realization and an acute presence whenever mind plays its old tricks: creating time and thus creating suffering. What’s required is watching the mind make-up time, not believe it, and refocus on what’s at hand: the Now.

There is another interview I came across a while ago – one of Prof Raj Ragunathan. He is a professor of Marketing at University of Texas McCombs and author of 'If you are so smart why aren't you happy'. This academic had researched into correlation of happiness (or life success vs career success) with 7 important factors like wealth and generosity. He mentioned (I am speaking this from memory) that if your happiness is goal dependent, you are bound to be unhappy. There will always be larger mountains to climb once you reach the peak of your current one. Which is to say: you will never get there, if that's your ambition. You will never make it.

Goals can be a driver for your career success but not necessarily for your life success. Which is why such a large majority of smart people are unhappy. We live in a culture that has little understanding of how creating time in mind, creates suffering. 

What made me reflect and write this post today was a subliminal but constant state of unhappy or unease yesterday. There seemed to be no discernible reason - nothing much had changed from last week to this and the last week I was perfectly happy.

It was when I bicycled in the morning, bringing attention to my body (my breath, my legs) and listened to the podcast interview that I found my answer in a flash: while making my financial plans yesterday I was constantly creating time. I was indulging in wishful thinking. I was becoming restless with the slow rate of growth of certain stocks or of the future incomes that I couldn't have then. I wanted to be there where the fruits of my investment tasted sweet; not here where they are still little seedlings. My mind was telling me that only when I accumulate certain wealth I would feel financially secure. 

Nope, mind. You are wrong. 

This is enough. 

This is fine.