Live alone to evolve

BEWARE. You may find this post Preachy!

Whether I was evening jogging or taking a 3am walk to the maggi stall, snacking in college canteen or in a nearby McD, walking to a class or returning from one, they were always there- the long, ciphered stares at me. And they were accompanied by highly raised eyebrows and slightly open mouths and sometimes by low whispered gossips too. I used to check if my pants were unzipped or my shoes were unmatched or if food was sticking on my face, but that wasn't the case, not all the time. I concluded soon that either I was self-talking in public places or people find me hot. That conclusion might have been partially right but I should have known the main reasons. Atleast when friends started opening up with questions like akele? instead of pleasntries I should have known. But back then, I was too preoccupied with philosophy and physics of particle to ponder over people in genereal and personal peculiarities in particular.

Two weeks before, a waiter did something that brought all those events together and made them related. I went to a local resataurant for a noon meal and selected a nice corner window table. I was alone, as usual, but the waiter served me two glasses of water and two menu cards, and kept on each side of the table. This had been done to me before as well, this time though it struck me.

I observed, questioned and thought about this and more for next few days. What I find is...well, horrifying revealaton for me.

This is how we perceive someone who is alone: sad, ill, depressed, disturbed, frustrated, perverted, idiosyncratic, looser or (sth positive to add) a hermit.

Man is a social animal, I understand. Social life helps fill most of his sexual, emotional and esteem needs, I understand. Besides, man learns moral norms, attitudes, values, motives, social roles, language and symbols...I understand. What we do not understand is these are the exact reasons why one should learn to live alone- to unlearn, to be unfulfilled...to get empty. To realise all the roles, functions and identities not conciously chosen by him and, thus, to unchoose it. To create space for new learning. To evolve.

It is alone when true self is known. When existence is enjoyed, peace is found and wisdom is gained. It is alone when ideas spring, solutions transpire, thoughts rhyme, truths obviate. And I guess, it is through living alone that an appreciaition(and not need) for relationship comes.

Aloneness is not boring or uncomfortable...and it is far from scary. It is joyous. But it demands courage and honest intentions atleast in the start because the very first step is to face and accept your own 'self', which I bet would be restless, cunning, demented and dark, for not much light has been shed on it.

I know I am going too far down the line but if you know you need to break free from your social ties but cannot, if you find it difficult to be at peace when alone and so switch to old patterns, if you sense an immideate need for a big change in yourself, I am going to suggest what Don Juan suggested to Castaneda during his apprenticeship- (paraphrased)go lock youself in a small dingy room for a month from where you can not even see or hear people. Donot come out before time, even when you find youself scratching the walls!
Do you have the balls???

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